A word to both sides:

First- Disclaimers. I did not vote for Trump. I do not particularly like Donald Trump. I tend to be moderate in my political views but definitely lean more conservatively.

This was not written to persuade anyone toward a certain political view, but my hope is that everyone can stop and try to understand the other side. It doesn’t mean you have to like what’s going on, but hopefully if you understand a little better, it will make it a little easier to be kind.

For those of you who don’t understand how Donald Trump could possibly win this election:

Don’t worry- I’m not here to attack you. Farther down, I try to explain and understand the other side as well.

I have thought of many reasons why people have voted for Trump. Some I can understand, and some I cannot- but I have accepted them as legitimate reasons.

First, please understand that many MANY Republicans were in shock when Trump took the Republican nomination. That’s when they were appalled. They had several months beyond that to come to terms with this and figure out what they were going to do.

There are many who came to the decision to support Trump very easily; they were already supporters, liked his policy, liked his willingness to speak his mind, and liked the fact that he’s not a politician. I personally, have a hard time understanding this, but I’ve accepted that this is one category of supporters.

Next. There were many people who thought the choice came down to (in their minds) political corruption vs a disgusting, pigheaded, bully. Maybe you also had the same choice in your mind and preferred to choose political corruption. Others chose the bully. (Again. In their minds- not my thought process).

For some people, and these are the ones that I think are being hurt the most by the harsh words said against “Trump supporters,” this was really, truly, an agonizing process. They looked at the issues. Maybe they were so passionate about a need to fight abortion that they just had to place that issue as the top priority. Gun rights, immigration, etc. Not because they are “racist” or because they want to take away a woman’s right to choose, but because these are issues that they hold close to their heart. Issues that are so important to them, that they were willing to look past the flaws of the candidate in order to have a republican appoint the next Supreme Court justices. Yes, you can disagree with their political stances on these issues, but please, do not scream hatred and intolerance at them. Besides, isn’t that what you claim many of them are? Hateful and intolerant? Which leads me to my next point:

People don’t like being called racist, sexist, intolerant, or bigoted. Especially when it’s not true of them. By using these words, many people have been pushed farther and farther from open-mindedness, and more and more into their own beliefs. “Oh you think I’m racist for believing that people should come to this country legally? Well I’m not going to change my mind. All that does is make me angry.” Yes there are many, many people who voted for Trump who are hateful. Who are sexist, racist, intolerant, and bigoted. It’s unfortunate, but they existed long before Trump. And many people, like I said, voted for Trump, knowing his flaws, HATING his flaws, but had to prioritize something else over these feelings. You may not understand how they could possibly prioritize anything above that, but that’s the beauty of our agency: your beliefs do not exist to trump someone else’s beliefs (no pun intended). They exist for you to defend, not to attack.

Are there more reasons people voted for Trump? Probably. But these are the ones I thought were most important to highlight.

Remember. When you say hateful things about Trump supporters, you aren’t just saying them to the intolerant, racist, sexist, and bigoted people, you are saying them to the people who spent months coming to the decision to defend their own beliefs and stances on the issues even though it meant voting for Trump.

For those of you who think people who feel fear, sadness, or mourning are silly and immature:

First. Please stop. Invalidating people’s feelings is the root of so many problems. Depression is perpetuated by people discrediting the sadness of others. It drives people to feel that they don’t have a reason or right to feel. And that needs to stop.

Next. The fear is real, and the reasons to fear are real. While many of the reports in “Day 1 in Trump’s America” (https://twitter.com/i/moments/796417517157830656) may be exaggerated, I can guarantee you that many are not. There are horrible, horrible people in this country. This may not be you. In fact, I sincerely hope that it’s not you. But the hate directed toward minorities exist. The hate directed toward white males exists. Hate exists, and is real. Yes, this hate existed long before Trump existed and was elected. And yes, I do believe this pushed this hate over the edge and suddenly gave people the extra umph they needed. It’s sad and it’s disgusting. Horrible.

Is it fair to say, however, that Trump supporters are the only ones? Definitely not. But please don’t pretend it doesn’t exist. There are people all over the nation who acted out when Trump was elected. They showed their hatred, and in fact, were proud of their hatred. It’s horrible that these people have been made to represent all Trump supporters, but it exists.

Fear of these people is real and valid. Fear for the minorities is real and valid. Sadness that horrible people exist is real and valid. And mourning for what could be coming is real and valid.

For everyone:

How do you talk to your children about this? Simple. Well- not simple. Be clear about what behavior you believe to be acceptable. Raise your children the way you want them to be raised. Personally, I hope that you decide to raise them with love and tolerance. Teach to understand that people can make their own choices, and they do not have to be the same as your own choices. Teach them that there is hate in the world, but that love is stronger. Teach them that different is beautiful, to the extent that people accept differences. Don’t give up and teach your children that in order to be successful they can be bullies and hateful, regardless of what you think the nation is teaching them. You are the parents, not the world. The most important things that children learn should be in their homes. Will the outside world affect them? Yes. But as someone who has worked with young children for years, believe when I say children learn the most at home.

Just remember-

As much as you think the right to life exists at conception, someone else thinks that a woman’s right to choose is lost when you don’t allow her the right to an abortion.

As strongly as you feel that a wall should be built, separating the United States and Mexico, someone else believes that people should freely be able to enter the country to escape their past situations.

And as passionate as you are that Donald Trump will destroy this country, somebody else is just as passionate that Hillary would have done the exact same thing.

And not only do these beliefs exist, they are all valid and individual to the person who holds them.